October 2025

My Destructive Ex

Jason’s story

Emily was a firecracker – passionate, intense, and full of life. She had a way of making me feel like I was on top of the world. Her personality and energy were exhilarating and at first I enjoyed every moment we spent together. As time went on though, I began to see a darker side of her that I had never noticed before. She became possessive, jealous and quick to anger over seemingly unimportant things. When we started to argue, she would quickly fly into a rage: yelling, screaming and eventually crying. The fights were rarely resolved and the apologies she offered never resulted in changes to her behaviour. The next time we argued, it was like rinse and repeat.

For a while I found myself making excuses for her behaviour, telling myself and others that she was just passionate or that she was going through a rough time. I convinced myself that things would improve if she felt secure and loved but no matter how much love and attention I heaped on her, her behaviour only got worse.

As the months passed, Emily’s destructive tendencies became more noticeable. She would pick fights over nothing and belittle me in front of friends. She would gaslight me and try to manipulate me into doing things I did not want to do. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I never knew what would set her off or trigger the next argument. My friends and family grew concerned, but I felt like they did not understand her or our relationship and I continued to make excuses for her.

The breaking point came one night when Emily flew into a rage over a perceived snub at a party. She accused me of flirting with another woman, despite my protests to the contrary. The argument escalated quickly, and before I knew it, she had thrown a glass of wine at me, narrowly missing my head. In that moment, I realised that I could not stay with someone who was capable of such violence. My friends were mortified.

I ended things with Emily soon after that night, but the fallout was far from over. Things escalated to a whole new level of fucked-up. She bombarded me with calls and texts, begging for another chance, promising that she would change. I tried to stay strong, to resist her advances, but a part of me still longed for the intense love we once shared.

We got back together again but nothing changed. Emily said she would get help and we even tried couples therapy. In our joint sessions she would take over and painted me as the person causing the problems, according to her it was always my fault. She never took responsibility for her behaviour and when the psychologist started challenging her, Emily refused to attend further sessions. Shortly after that our relationship ended for the last time.

In the weeks that followed, Emily’s behaviour only grew more erratic. She stopped seeing her own therapist. She showed up uninvited at my workplace. She left angry messages on my social media accounts. She even spread rumours about me to mutual friends. I felt like I was being stalked by the woman I had once loved. She appeared to be hell-bent on destroying me.

My friends and family encouraged me to seek therapy and I was reassured that I had made the right decision to end things with Emily by my therapist. It was not easy to let go of someone who had been such a big part of my life, but I knew that staying with her in that toxic relationship was not healthy and would only lead to more pain. I stuck it out and Emily eventually moved on.

I have learned to set strong boundaries in all of my relationships and ensure that I am respected and safe. I am hoping that by reading this story, someone might recognise the signs of toxic and disrespectful relationships to avoid some of the struggles I have been through.

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The stories in this calendar are based on actual experiences. The names are changed to protect the identity of the individuals who shared their story.