June 2025
Fighting for Time
Blake’s story
One of the roles that I am most proud of, is being a great dad to my kids. I value time spent with my kids and make a real effort to be a good role model and an active parent in their lives. Unfortunately, since my divorce three years ago being a present parent has been one of the hardest things to do because of the difficulties I am facing with co-parenting.
Co-parenting is tough at the best of times and the week-to-week time with and without the kids is a rollercoaster of emotions for me. The change from having the kids to being without them is such a stark contrast from the busy and noisy times of rushing them around to the quiet, lonely times when they are with their mum. I would choose to spend every day with them if I could.
The school holidays have been particularly tough. What should be a chance to spend quality time with my kids and make memories with them has become a constant struggle. I am always planning ahead, requesting time off work and, making bookings so that I can get a fair amount of access time with my kids. But then my ex wife stuffs it up at the last minute by telling me that the kids are not available for one reason or another. The constant de-railing of my agreed time with my kids has become frustrating and heartbreaking for me and the endless cycle of negotiation and disappointment tests my patience and resilience to its limit.
Each interruption to my time with the kids sounds understandable on its own. My ex uses excuses like; sports camps, playdates or trips with friends, and family trips that go a couple of days longer than agreed. Frustratingly these all seem to be planned for my visitation weeks. Every school holiday, my time off work and bookings are wasted because of apparent little problems that are revealed at the last minute in an off-handed way that makes arguing seem petty. The arguments happen, of course, and the accusations inevitably start to fly but nothing ever changes and nothing gets resolved. They usually end with me sounding paranoid and petty and her cruelly questioning my selfishness and my commitment as a father.
The pain of being kept away from my children during the holidays is devastating. I see my kids caught in the crossfire of our conflict, craving the stability and love of both parents but instead finding themselves caught in the middle of co-parenting conflict. It breaks my heart to think that
they might be confused or hurt by the situation or that they might wonder why I am not around as much as they might like me to be. I feel caught in an impossible situation. I am unable to defend myself and I am unable to get fair access to my kids.
Despite all the conflict and frustrations, I know I will continue to fight to be present in my children’s lives. I value my role as dad above anything else and I am prepared to go through whatever it takes to make sure my kids understand that I have always had their best interests at heart.
I hope the co-parenting conflicts calm down and we can set aside our differences for the sake of the children. I hope that my ex-wife can eventually understand that my presence in the lives of our kids is not only fair but also important for them. I hope for these things, but I am preparing myself for the fact that it may not happen. I will fight the good fight because my kids deserve to have me in their lives, doing the best that I can to be a great dad.
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The stories in this calendar are based on actual experiences. The names are changed to protect the identity of the individuals who shared their story.
