July 2025

My Dependant Ex

Peter’s story

It has been a rollercoaster ride since my breakup with my ex-girlfriend. Dealing with Sheryl’s dependency after we-split has been like navigating a minefield of emotions and challenges. From the moment we called it quits, she seemed unable to stand on her own two feet. Constant calls flooded in, each one involved a plea for money or a favour. At first, I tried to be understanding and to lend a helping hand where I could. But soon enough, it became clear that Sheryl’s dependence was preventing both of us from moving on.

Sheryl’s reliance on me only seemed to grow with each passing day. She would turn up at my home unannounced and expect me to drop everything to cater to her needs. It was frustrating to say the least. I found myself torn between wanting to be kind and to help and the need to establish boundaries. Eventually, I had to put my foot down and make it clear that our relationship was over, and she needed to start standing on her own two feet.

Setting those boundaries was not easy. Sheryl did not take it well. She resorted to guilt-tripping me and playing on my emotions with claims like, “You owe me for all the time we spent together,” or “I’m struggling because of you.” I finally realised this was a manipulative tactic designed to keep me connected to her in some way. And I knew I had to stay strong and resist falling into that trap.

The situation with Sheryl was like a never-ending battle. It was like trying to shake off a stubborn flu – no matter what I did, it just lingered. Yet, I knew I had to stay firm, to hold my ground and focus on moving forward with my life. Continuing to get sucked into Sheryl’s many dramas was a surefire way to derail my own progress.

Despite the challenges, I knew that setting boundaries was essential for my own well-being. I could not allow myself to be dragged down by someone who could not stand on their own two feet, no matter how much I had loved her in the past. I called her out on her demands and suggested she get counselling. It was tough love, but it was necessary and it helped. Sheryl’s calls became less frequent, her visits fewer and it seemed she was less overwhelmed by her problems. It felt like she was slowly starting to find her own way.

I realised that by setting strong boundaries, standing my ground and refusing to be her crutch, I was actually helping Sheryl in the long run. I was not letting her continue to be dependent on me. She needed to learn to rely on herself, to find her own strength and independence. And by not enabling her dependency, I was actually helping her to do just that. This was difficult for both of us, but we got there in the end and remain friends.

Dealing with a dependent ex is not easy. It was a test of patience, resilience, and self-control for both of us. By staying true to myself, being kind to her yet prioritising my own well-being, I was able to emerge stronger on the other side, as did Sheryl. Setting strong boundaries with Sheryl and encouraging her to access therapy helped her become more independent. This was a tough but necessary process, which allowed us to reclaim our own sense of independence and move forward with our lives.

As time passed, we both found our way and since then we have developed a close friendship based on mutual respect and trust.

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The stories in this calendar are based on actual experiences. The names are changed to protect the identity of the individuals who shared their story.