April 2025

Manipulation Unmasked

James’ story

I met Lisa at a local pub in Sydney. She had a smile that could light up the room, and we hit it off right away. We had great chemistry and the relationship progressed quickly, some might say too quickly. We went on adventures, shared laughs, and created memories together. We found ourselves spending almost all of our free time together and it felt right. But as time went on things started to change.

Gradually, Lisa became more possessive and controlling. It started with small things like getting upset when I made plans without her and joking that I was checking out other women. As our relationship progressed her possessiveness escalated. Eventually she was constantly checking my phone, questioning where I was going, and who I was spending time with, she even got jealous about my female doctor.

Behaviour that, at first, seemed cute and protective, began to feel like something very different. I felt smothered and we began to fight more often.

One night, after a heated argument, Lisa threatened to harm herself if I ever left her. She said she could not live without me and that I was the only thing keeping her going. I was shocked and did not know what to do. We kept talking that night and as I surrendered my point of view, she calmed down and played it off as me not understanding her. It did not feel like that to me and I began to feel trapped in the relationship. I was torn between my own sense of well-being and her safety.

I tried to talk with Lisa about getting help, but she would always brush it off and say that there was nothing wrong and that she was happy as long as she had me. I was the only one who could help her.

The weight of her reliance on me and the relationship was destroying any real feelings I had for her but I was reluctant to upset her in case she did something reckless. As the manipulation continued, I started to feel drained and overwhelmed. I knew I could not stay in a relationship built on fear and guilt, but I was terrified of what might happen if I left. I felt like I was being held hostage by her threats of self-harm.

In the end, I knew that I had to prioritise my own mental health and well-being. I struggled with the fear of what might happen and it was a difficult decision, but I gathered the courage to end things with Lisa.

I spoke with a close friend about my fears and he suggested I might need some professional help to navigate the process. With the help of a psychologist, I learned to set boundaries, process my emotions, and regain my sense of self-worth. I no longer felt responsible for Lisa’s well-being and understood that her actions were not my responsibility. It was a painful process, but I knew it was the right thing to do for both of us. Eventually we were both able to move on.

Through therapy, I found the strength to move forward and rebuild my life without the weight of Lisa’s manipulation holding me back. I was able to leave the relationship safely and start the next chapter in my life with a newfound sense of empowerment and self-assurance.

Leaving that toxic relationship was a turning point for me; I learned the importance of setting boundaries in relationships and taking care of myself.

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The stories in this calendar are based on actual experiences. The names are changed to protect the identity of the individuals who shared their story.